She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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