Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
