Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
