then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
