i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
