I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
