ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
