I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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