You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
