i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
