so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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