I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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