i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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