My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
