You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
