You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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