She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
