why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
