Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
