I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
