By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
