i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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