I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
