This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
