remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
