she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
