He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
