well I can't set my house on fire every night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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