Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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