I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
