My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
