Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
