dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
