I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
