So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
