Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
