sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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