I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
