your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone says I win the strip club
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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