Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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