Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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