spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
