If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
