Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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