I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
