between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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