I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I look better un-naked...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
