roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
