it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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