i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
