he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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